


You Got the Power to Make Me Feel Good

by GirlEatsWorld



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Christmas Party, Ex Sex, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 05:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12624060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlEatsWorld/pseuds/GirlEatsWorld
Summary: After self-destructing in Paris for three months, Robert returns to the village and decides to stay out of Aaron's love life. That decision barely lasts a week.





	You Got the Power to Make Me Feel Good

**** ROBERT  
  


**MONDAY**

**18 DECEMBER 2017**

 

Sat in a rented flat just outside of the village, Robert Sugden comes to the conclusion that it had been predestined for him to be an absolute fuck up. He had been busy, away from Emmerdale for three and a half months, self-destructing in Paris. He’d been a pathetic mess, stuck in his own head with racing thoughts of all the messes he had created and every stupid and avoidable mistake he had made.

While in France, he’d lived on overtly expensive room service (that had only left him more starving because the small portion sizes were absurd) until his body had decided it no longer fancied bœuf bourguignon and jambon parsillé, thank you very much. After the failed binge eating came the regretful binge drinking, in which he had spent many nights over the toilet throwing up everything but his liver.

It was just that he didn’t know what to do anymore. He had been so frustrated, so _angry_ with himself for ruining his own life and the one good thing he had in it. Aaron had been the first and only thought he had when he woke up and the last thing he thought of when he passed out. He had even dreamt about him and most of those dreams appeared to be pleasant, sweet ones until the overwhelming guilt in his subconscious clouded over them and they transitioned into nightmares that left him in cold sweats, gasping for air and reaching a hand out in a bed that wasn’t his for a man who wasn’t there.

He vaguely remembered ringing Aaron one of those nights. He’d been so drunk and miserable and he knew it was selfish and that he should have been leaving him alone, but he needed to hear Aaron’s voice. _Just once_ , he had thought. _Just one last time and I’ll be done with him for good._

But Aaron didn’t pick up.

When Robert called him again, the outcome was the same.

When he’d woken up the next day with a hangover that he was positive would kill him, his heart skipped a beat as he’d scrolled through his mobile’s call log. Had he missed _all_ of these calls from Aaron? Aaron had phoned him over fifty times? And he’d _slept_ through that?

_No._ The blur in his eyes had begun to fade and he realized it wasn’t Aaron who had tried to contact him, it was the other way around. The contrasting feeling of disappointment laced with humiliation was already too much to handle. Then it got worse when he checked his texts and saw that he’d messaged Aaron a ridiculous amount of times.

He’d written paragraphs upon paragraphs (where his grammar was shit) begging Aaron to take him back. The tone of the messages went from sweet to sour and Robert had never come off so melodramatic in his life. On top of that embarrassment, Aaron had read them. Read them and didn’t respond. Because why would he have?

It had been then that Robert had decided he needed to leave Paris and get back home, because if he had stayed any longer, he knew things would only get worse.

 

-

 

When he walks into the pub that night, he’s relieved that it’s almost empty. The Christmas decorations are everywhere, though, and he doesn’t know if his chest suddenly feels tight because he knows he’ll be spending Christmas alone this year or if it’s acid reflux thanks to all of the vomiting he’s been doing for so long. He knows what the real answer is, but he’s not in the mood to face those feelings, so he takes a seat at the vacated bar.

It’s not long before his sister pops out from the back, out of uniform. When her eyes land on his, she looks at him like she’s never met him before. It only lasts a second before her eyes widen and she runs from around the bar and wraps her arms around him. He barely gets to hug her back before she’s back behind the bar, pouring him a pint.

“Cheers,” he says, though he makes no move to actually drink it once she’s put it in front of him.

“What’s happened to you? You look awful,” Vic says, concerned.

“Nice way to greet your brother, that.”

“Yeah, after you just went off and left to who knows where for nearly _four_ months with not so much as a goodbye!”

“I sent a text, didn’t I?”

Vic scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest. “Yeah, and real detailed that was, Rob. What was it? ‘Don’t expect me back for a while?’ And now you come back looking like this,” she says, motioning to his appearance.

“Like what?”

“Like you haven’t slept at all! Like you’ve not been taking care of yourself. Just what were you up to when you were away?”

_Drinking. Barely eating. Having my mind consumed with thoughts of how I can’t make myself or anyone I care about happy._ “Nothing important,” he murmurs. He picks up the glass and practically gulps all of it down in one go. He licks the foam off his lips and slams the glass down.

“Must have been for you to go running off in the first place,” Vic argues. “If it was because of Aaron –”

“Vic, it wasn’t. Not everything is about him, alright?”

“But it is, isn’t it? He starts… dating again and you up and leave for _so long,_ Rob. I thought you were never coming back, just like before when you were gone for years. What else was I supposed to make of that?”

“Don’t need me to answer that, do you? Clearly you’ve already made your mind up,” he says. He knows he looks irritated and it only irritates him more. He hates that Vic knows him so well, knows him better than he knows himself most of the time. “Look, just… leave it, alright? Me and… and him, we’re through. Have been for months, since before I even left. He’s over it and so am I. When are you gonna be?”

He suddenly remembers something and digs into his jacket pocket.

“Rob –”

“Here,” he says, placing her spare house key in front of her.

“What’s this?”

“A million quid,” he deadpans. “What d’you think it is?”

“Well, where are you gonna live? Don’t tell me you’re gonna stay at the B&B again.”

“Of course I’m not.”

“Then where?”

“You don’t need to know that.”

“Oi, Victoria, why are you still here?” Charity walks behind the bar, not even noticing Robert. Normally he’d be offended, but he’s relieved the attention is off of him for once. “You don’t get paid extra for hanging about, love, you know that.”

Vic’s smile is as fleeting as it is tight. “Yes, I do know that, Charity. I was just on my way out until I saw my long lost brother here.”

Charity looks in Robert’s direction and he gives a half-hearted nod of acknowledgement. “You alright?”

“Well, look who’s back and gracing us with his presence,” Charity quips, a hand on her hip and a genuine smile plastered on her face. “You alright, Robert? That is you, isn’t it? I’m only asking because you’re not in a suit and your hair is all... well, you’ve seen it, haven’t you?”

“Just getting showered with compliments tonight, aren’t I?” Robert says, not pleased with the _very_ pleased look on Charity’s face. He taps his empty glass and raises an eyebrow at her. “Refill please.”

Charity gives a mock look of surprise before leaning into Vic. “Saying ‘please’ and all? Can’t be him.”

Vic rolls her eyes. “Oh, just get him the pint, Charity, before you run him out the village again.”

“Again? So I was the cause the first time then?” Charity winks at Robert as she fills up his glass.

“Well, not _you_ , but _another_ Dingle –” Vic starts.

“No one was the cause of anything,” Robert cuts her off. “Vic doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“You know what? Fine,” Vic says, shaking her head in disbelief as she makes her way around the bar. Just when Robert thinks she’s finally dropped it, she stops next to him and sighs. “Rob, lying to yourself is only gonna make things worse and you know it.”

Robert eyes his drink and feels nauseous. “You just don’t know when to stop, do you?”

“No, and I’m not gonna stop, because you’re my brother and I love you and I’m tired of you leaving whenever things don’t go your way.”

“That’s not why –”

“I don’t want you leaving again, okay? Just talk to me – talk to _someone_ next time you feel something’s getting a bit too much for you to take.”

_If it was that easy, don’t you think I’d have done that by now?_

He won’t talk to her or anyone else. He can’t. He’s done bringing other people into the consequences of his bad choices. In some way or another, he’s made everyone’s life around him difficult, and running away? He’s done doing that. He’s going to suffer all by himself for once. 

To appease Vic more than anything else, he gives her a nod of assurance and throws in a small smile for good measure. “For the last time, I’m fine, Vic. Honestly.” 

“No, you’re not,” she says, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze. “But you will be.” 

“So, you off or what?” Charity asks, getting an annoyed look from Vic in return.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Vic says, hands up and she backs away. Before she leaves the pub she looks back at Robert. “Stay out of trouble, yeah, Rob? And don’t make any plans for Christmas.” 

“She’s really determined to be your mum, isn’t she?” Charity asks.

“Tell me about it.” 

“So, you plan on drinking that pint or what? Time’s up.” 

Robert scoffs. “You haven’t called time on anyone else.” 

“That’s because there’s no one else here,” Charity says, waving her hand around. Robert turns his head and looks behind him. 

“I didn’t notice anyone leaving.” 

“Maybe because your mind was elsewhere. Like on a certain grumpy fella. You know, you just missed him.” 

“What?” 

“Aaron. He was in here like… fifteen minutes ago.”

“I’ve only been here for ten.” 

“Exactly. That’s why I said you missed him.” 

“Right, and who said I was looking for him?” 

Charity shrugs. “No one. Just thought it’d be something you’d like to know.” 

“Thanks for the fake concern.” 

“Don’t you want to know who he was with?” Charity sing-songs. 

“Knowing you, you’re gonna blurt it out anyway.” 

Charity smirks. “I’ll take that as a yes then. And no, he wasn’t on his own. Liv was with him.” 

_Liv. Another relationship I’ve damaged beyond repair. But that’s good then. At least he wasn’t with –_

“Oh, and Alex was with them, too,” Charity adds, shattering the last of Robert’s hope.

“Alex?” 

“Yeah, that fit doctor. Remember? You inserted yourself in their cute little date all them months ago.”

 

 

** AARON **

****

**TUESDAY**

**19 DECEMBER 2017**

“Whoa, whoa, Paddy,” Aaron says after Paddy nearly tramples over him, trying to get out the café door. “Thought those glasses were meant to help you see.” 

“Oh, Aaron!” Paddy says, eyes a little wild and seemingly out of breath. 

Aaron raises an eyebrow as he stares at him. “If it’s coffee that’s done this to ya, I’m seriously rethinking ordering a cup now.” 

“What?” Paddy asks, throwing a quick glance behind himself before putting his hands on Aaron’s shoulders, trying to push him backwards. 

“What are you doing?” Aaron asks incredulously to which Paddy smartly backs off. “Have you lost your mind or summat?” 

“N-No, I just don’t think you want to get a coffee right now.” 

“Right,” Aaron says, nodding his head in faux agreement before cocking it to the side. “And why’s that?” 

“It’s just that – it’s just…” Paddy turns his head back again and when Aaron tries to see what he’s so bothered about, Paddy doesn’t even try to be discreet with how badly he’s trying to block Aaron’s view. 

“D’you really not want me to get coffee that badly?” Aaron laughs, starting to feel strangely amused by Paddy’s concerning and odd behavior. 

Bob then walks over, smile on his face as he looks between Paddy and Aaron. “What can I get you, Aaron?” 

“Coffee, if it’s not too much of a bother. And if _he’ll_ let me,” Aaron says, nodding his head in Paddy’s direction before paying Bob. 

“Trying to mess with my business, are you Paddy?” Bob looks to Aaron. “He’s probably just trying to hide Robert from you.” 

Paddy’s weak smile morphs into a look of betrayal. “I am not –”

“I’ll get you that coffee now,” Bob says, heading off to do just that. 

“Wait, what? Robert’s back?” Aaron asks Paddy, heartbeat pounding in his ears. Had he heard that right? 

“Yes,” Paddy sighs. He moves out of Aaron’s way and yes, Robert is there. Right there, sat in the back of the café. It’s only the back of him, but Aaron’s had years to get to know every part of Robert. Aaron would be able to identify him under any circumstance. 

Aaron starts to move. His focus is solely on Robert until he feels Paddy grab his arm. He looks down at in and then asks, annoyed, “Why are you still here?” 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” 

“Do I think _what_ is a good idea, Paddy?” 

“Going over there.” 

“Don’t see why it’s up to you.” 

“It isn’t. Just… what about Alex?” 

“Not up to him either.” 

“Aaron, I _know_ you, okay? I know you better than you know yourself, so–” 

“So you know I’m really irritated right now then?” 

“Not with me, I hope.” 

“Yes, with you. Now let go of me,” Aaron says, snatching his arm out of Paddy’s grip. 

He doesn’t turn back around. He’s not interested in seeing the look of disapproval he knows is on Paddy’s face. He’s going to sit down and talk to his ex-husband, who he hasn’t seen for months for no other reason than he’s an adult and he can do that. Paddy can scold him for it later for all he cares. 

It’s when he’s directly behind Robert that he starts to feel that familiar itch around his ring finger. His right hand begins moving on its own, his fingers wrapping around it for the first time in months. When Robert was away, the itch had gone with him, and with every day that Aaron didn’t think about his ring, it meant he didn’t think about Robert, and Aaron had thought that meant he was getting better, that he _was_ better. Because _that?_ That had felt like progress. Now he’s stood behind the man he’d spent so long trying to get of his mind and everything about him is rushing back in floods and maybe Paddy was right, maybe this was not a good idea after all – 

“Robert,” he hears himself say, and he instantly regrets it, because _shit_ he’s sat down across from him, and it’s too late to turn back now, because Robert’s eyes are locked with his and the look on his face is mirroring the feeling in Aaron’s heart, and Aaron’s mostly relieved because he’s not the only one of them who’s affected. It makes him less nervous. “So… when’d you get back?” 

It was bound to happen eventually, he might as well the awkward exchange over with. 

Robert stops gawking at him long enough to answer him. “Last night. Happy to see me?”

Happy. Aaron wasn’t sure he knew what the word meant anymore. He knew the feeling, though. It was the feeling he had when he thought he had been in a faithful marriage with the one man he’s ever truly loved, the man who he thought had loved him, too. Robert was – _had been_ – his world, his partner, his greatest support system.

Aaron takes a second to take Robert in. He’s let his hair grow out some and Aaron almost shakes his head at how ridiculous it is that a 31-year-old man can look so boyish. Robert’s eyes are focused – tired, like he hasn’t had proper rest in months – but focused, his blue-green gaze boring into Aaron’s. The eye contact is intense, agonizing, and Aaron needs to break it before his body acts on its own volition and does something he knows he’ll regret.

His eyes travel down Robert’s full lips, which he instantly regrets because Robert’s mouth lifts slightly. The smirk only lasts a second, but it’s long enough to let Aaron know that Robert was very aware of being ogled. And he _liked_ it, the smug git.

Thankfully, Bob comes over with Aaron’s coffee, placing it in front of him. Bob looks to Robert, who still has his eyes on Aaron.

“Another Americano for you, Robert?” Bob asks.

“No, I’m all good, Bob,” Robert says, then when Bob leaves, he looks back at Aaron. “Not gonna answer my question, then?”

“What question’s that?” Aaron asks, knowing full-well what Robert is going to say next.

“Are you happy to see me?” 

“Er, happy to see you’re in one piece, you mean?” 

Robert’s brows crease in confusion. “I’m not following.” 

“Oh, it’s just that the – what – _eighty_ texts about you not being whole you sent me might have indicated you weren’t in one piece.” 

“Look, about those texts… I wasn’t in my right mind. I’d been drinking.” 

“Yeah, and if the texts didn’t make it obvious, that voicemail did the job.” 

_Which I still have saved._  

Robert’s look of horror is fleeting. He closes his eyes and sighs. “Whatever it was that you heard, just forget it. Like I said –” 

“You weren’t in your right mind,” Aaron finishes. “I got it.” 

“So how’s Liv?” Robert asks, and Aaron’s grateful for the change of topic, even though he knows he doesn’t owe Robert any sort of favor, no matter how small. 

“Mostly fine,” Aaron says. “She’s always with Gabby, y’know, so trouble hasn’t always been far behind. But it’s not been anything I can’t handle.” 

“Good,” Robert nods. “And your boyfriend, how’s he?” 

Aaron nearly chokes on his coffee, the dark liquid sputtering all over his jacket. Robert digs into his own jacket pocket and takes out some tissue. Aaron coughs and takes it, but not before their hands brush and Robert’s ring catches in the light. Aaron swallows and averts his eyes, focusing on cleaning up the mess he’d made. 

“Well that’s not a good sign, is it? A little trouble in paradise?” Robert says, a laugh in his voice. “Only Vic told me you were all loved up. Is she wrong?” 

“You what? Loved up? What did Vic say?” Aaron asks. Whatever Vic said didn’t matter. He was going to tell her where to go soon enough. 

“That you’re with that doctor,” Robert says, and Aaron doesn’t want to analyze the look that’s stewing in Robert’s eyes. Not today. “That you have been ever since I’ve been away.” 

Aaron closes his eyes for a second before opening them. He looks down into his coffee and really wishes Paddy had been more convincing in getting him to leave the café. He’s feeling it again, that itch on his ring finger, the feeling of guilt welling up inside of him, and then anger, because why should _he_ feel guilty? Why should he feel _anything_ at all? “Vic doesn’t know anything, Robert.” 

“So… you’re not then?” Robert asks, and Aaron can tell he’s trying to sound casual, trying to sound as if he’s a normal person asking another normal person about the weather, but he’s not. Robert’s not a normal person, and neither is Aaron, and it’s not a question about the weather, it’s a question about Aaron’s personal relationship, something Robert was once a part of. His voice has got the same thing his eyes have got; hope. 

And the _ring_. 

Well if Robert thinks there’s another shot for them to be together, he’s wrong. Aaron’s not giving him an inch. Robert had had chances – _many_ chances and he overstepped the line every single time. “Remind me how any of this is your business again?” 

Then that familiar, classic ‘what have I done wrong?’ expression is on Robert’s face as he says, “I’m just making conversation, Aaron,” and when Aaron realizes his hands are balling into fists, he knows he’s got to get out of there. 

“Yeah, well don’t.” 

He stands up and leaves before Robert can say something to make him stay.

 

-

 

**SATURDAY**

**23 DECEMBER 2017**

Aaron comes home to the familiar sound of buttons being pressed rapidly and obnoxiously loud sound effects coming from the television. It doesn’t take him long to notice Vic and Liv are in the chairs – those chairs he hates so much and would have gotten rid of until Liv told him not to – screaming at the screen. Well, Vic is mostly doing the screaming, looking out of place with the VR headset on. Liv yells at her about her poor aim of shooting a zombie before Aaron clears his throat. 

“Hiya,” Liv greets him with a smile. He feels about as happy as he can get when he sees her and smiles back. It’s nice to have someone to come home to, no matter how much of a wind up she can be. 

“You alright?” 

“I will be once _she_ gets her aim right,” Liv says, nodding her head in Vic’s direction, who pauses the game and takes off the headset. 

“You a gamer now, Vic? Shouldn’t you be hard at work or summat?” 

Vic looks up at him. “I _was_ hard at work, in your kitchen making lunch for your little sister. You’re welcome, by the way.” 

“Enjoyed it, did you, Olivia?” Aaron shakes his head. “Only I thought me and you were supposed to have lunch today.” 

Liv makes a face. “What – pizza again? You’re alright, thanks.” 

“What’s she doing here anyway?” Aaron says, gesturing to Vic. “Gabby bored of you already?” 

Liv gets a text alert. She pulls out her phone and smirks. “Speaking of,” she says, typing out a reply quickly before sliding her mobile in her pocket, grabbing her jacket off the back of the chair and walking towards the door. 

“Where are you off to?” Aaron asks. 

Liv doesn’t turn around as she says, “Gabby, who’s bored of me wants to hang out. Bye!” 

When she’s gone Aaron plops down in her seat and closes his eyes. He’d been working at the scrapyard nearly every day for the past few months, barely giving himself a break. He’d thought it smarter to do so during the holidays, so he could spend more time with Liv, but it turns out she’d rather spend most of her days with Gabby or Gerry, probably as retaliation for Aaron being so… unavailable. Now that he’s given himself time off, he thought that he would be having a better time. He _should_ be having a better time. 

“What are you thinking about?” Vic’s voice breaks the silence. When she realizes that his shrug is the only answer she’ll get to her question, she changes the topic. “I stopped by to see if you were here and when you weren’t–” 

“You let yourself in anyway.” 

“Hey. Liv let me in and I got bored waiting for ya, so she suggested I have a little fun.” 

“Right, you could have just texted me if I was here or not.” 

“Please,” she says. “Like you ever reply to my texts. You’re just as bad as Robert.” 

On that, his eyes open and Vic must see something in his face at the mention of her brother because she instantly shoots out an abashed “sorry,” and he knows she’s going to bang on about it, stumbling over her words like Paddy does and he’s really, _really_ not in the fucking mood for it. 

“What did you want to see me for?” 

“Right, the reason I’m here,” she starts, and her face hasn’t changed into a better expression. It’s gone from _oh, I’m sorry I just said my brother’s name to you, I know how hard you’ve been working, trying to forget about him_ to _I’m not sure how to say this, because it’s probably worse than what I just said._ “So you know how we’re having the Christmas party here?” 

He nods apprehensively. “Rings a bell. Why?” 

“I don’t know if you know this or not… actually, I don’t know how you wouldn’t know with how fast news travels in this village.” 

“Vic, can you not just get on with it? What’s the big secret?” Aaron wants to tell her how rich it is that she, of all people, is struggling to tell him something when she has proven both in the past and recently that she has no problem blurting things out all the time. 

“Robert’s back.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

Vic’s surprise is evident. “You do? Have you spoken to him?” 

“Once. Why?” 

“Would you say the two of you are on decent terms?” 

“Er, we’re not anything,” he says, then off her expression, “What? D’you want me to lie and say that me and him are mates now? Because if you want lies, you can just talk to him. He never runs out of ‘em, believe me.” 

“I just wanted him to come to the party.” 

“You what? No. Why?” 

“Because he’s my brother?” 

“And what’s that to me?” 

“Well, he’s not got anything to do for Christmas. He’s not even staying in the village. He’s renting some flat out of town or whatever. I don’t want him to be on his own, Aaron. He only just got back. It isn’t right.” 

“I’m sorry, Vic. I don’t see what that has to do with me.” 

“I know that you’re with Alex now and that you’ve moved on from my brother. But I also know that once you’ve loved someone, regardless of what you went through with them, you still care about them. And you still care about Rob, don’t ya?” 

Aaron nods. 

“So I can tell him he can come then?” 

“No. I’ll do it.” 

Aaron texts Robert. 

“So he’s coming then. Good.”

“Whether he comes or not is up to him now. You can’t make decisions for everybody, Vic.” 

“I’m damn good at convincing though, aren’t I?” 

_Something you and your brother have in common, it seems._

“If you say so. And don’t think this is gonna be a regular thing, you pushing your will onto me to do whatever it is you want.” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

 

-

 

** ROBERT **

**SUNDAY**

**24 DECEMBER 2017**

 

It’s a bit of an understatement to say he feels happy. Okay, he actually _isn’t_ happy in the general sense of the word. Not even a little, but he feels less shitty thanks to his recent encounters with Aaron. 

While they’re not together any longer, they still have some sort of relationship. At least one where they exchange words and looks and Aaron’s not even hit him once, so Robert’s taken that as progress. Before his less-than enlightening chat with Aaron at the café Tuesday, he’d thought they’d never speak to each other again. He certainly didn’t think that if they did speak again Aaron would be the one to initiate it. Aaron had shocked him even further when he invited him to the Mill for Christmas. 

He has no doubt that it was down to Vic, because she’s just as good as him at persuasion – but in the end Aaron still chose to invite him. Why? At first he’d told himself that it was probably pity Aaron felt for him, which, knowing Vic, she probably made him out to be some sort of loser who was sad about being alone for Christmas when instead he could be partying at his used-to-be home – until he ruined that – with people who don’t even like him. 

But then another thought came to him, and it’s the reason he feels himself smiling as he sits on his own in the Woolpack right now; Aaron _wants_ him at the party. Does Aaron feel sorry for him? Probably. But people make their own decisions in the end – he knows that more than anybody – and Aaron made the decision to allow him to be around. It means something. 

His grin gets wider. 

“Someone’s not as mopey as they were a few days ago.” 

Robert doesn’t look up as he’ll never not recognize that voice. “Didn’t know you were keeping tabs on my facial expressions, Chas.” 

She’s got a hand on her hip and her lips are thinned as they’re stretched in a tight smile. “Trust me, I’m not. I just know that smug look on your face means you’re up to no good,” she says, each word coming out low and through teeth. She gestures at him. “Could this have something to do with the party tomorrow?” 

“It might.” 

“You planning on doing something daft?” 

“Like what?” 

“Showing up. I think it’d be best for everyone if you stayed away, don’t you?” 

“Well, showing up is kind of expected of you when you’re invited somewhere, isn’t it?” 

“Except you weren’t invited,” she remarks, then off his yes-I-was face, “Or shouldn’t have been. And I wouldn’t talk about what’s expected of you, seeing how you’ve proven time and time again that all anyone can expect from you is one big lie wrapped in another.”

“There goes your present spoiled,” he quips, refusing to let her words ruin his mood. 

She’s not smiling anymore. “Of course you’d make a smart remark. The joke’s gonna be on you, though, Robert. Aaron doesn’t want ya and he never will again, you understand me?” 

“Because he’s seeing someone?” 

She blinks. “Your arrogance being what it is, I don’t expect you to believe that my son is capable of moving on from you, but he has.” 

He wants to ask her why she didn’t directly answer his question; _because he’s seeing someone;_ he also wants to tell her about his last face-to-face encounter with Aaron, and how _he_ didn’t answer the question then either. 

“Look, I know you think I’m this massive threat to Aaron’s well-being–” 

“You are.”

“But, I’m not. Alright?” 

“So you just, what, pop back into town and he invites you to a family event? A friendly gesture after all the hurt you’ve caused him?” 

“You said it yourself, Chas. He’s moved on. And part of moving on is keeping the past in the past and looking towards the future. Maybe he sees being cordial with me in his.” 

He waits for her to respond, to tear him a new one about how Aaron will never have a future with him in it, acquaintances or otherwise. She doesn’t. Instead she says, “Fine. Come tomorrow, since you feel so obligated to. But do know that if you mess with Aaron’s head, I’ll know.” 

“And you’ll give me hell. Got it.”

 

-

 

**MONDAY**

**25 DECEMBER 2017**

“Promise you’ll be on your best behavior? A whole lot of Dingles are in there.” 

Robert rolls his eyes as he walks up to the front door of the Mill. “I’m not twelve, Vic.” 

Vic follows after him, but not before dropping half the gifts she’s brought into the snow. She sighs, bending down to get them while glaring at him for not helping her. “I knew I should have put these in a bag, but the shop was all out of them by the time I’d decided I wanted one. Shouldn’t have gone present shopping so flipping late.” 

“Shouldn’t have bought all of those, more like,” he says, knocking on the door. 

Her eyes narrow. “You’re one to talk. You’ve not brought one gift. How rude is that?” 

“Shows how much you know.” 

Thankfully, before Vic can ask him a million questions, the door opens, and it’s not long before Liv’s blushing and happy face drops at the sight of him. Not like he wasn’t expecting that reaction. They haven’t spoken in months and the last time they had, there was nothing pleasant about the conversation. 

“Merry Christmas, Liv,” he offers, not sure if he should keep his expression neutral or opt for a smile. 

Liv stares at him blankly before mumbling out a “Robert,” in greeting. He smiles, taking it as a small victory regardless of how unenthused she had sounded. She eyes the tower of presents in Vic’s hands and raises an eyebrow. “Those for me?” 

“I’m sure there’s one in here with your name on it,” Vic assures her. “Now can you let us in? It’s freezing and if I drop these again, something might break.” 

“Don’t see why not. We’re about to have dinner anyway,” Liv says. 

She steps aside, letting them in. Liv and Vic walk on their own, Liv telling Vic to just drop the presents anywhere, with Vic telling her how presents belong underneath the Christmas tree. There’s more decorations inside than out and Robert’s sure it’s because Aaron can’t be bothered to look like he actually gives a shit about a holiday. 

Robert doesn’t have time to embrace the warmth of the house compared to outside. He doesn’t have time to linger under the disapproving look from Chas that he actually showed up and the what-is-he-doing-here looks he’s gaining from half of that family. He doesn’t have time to wonder how the hell anyone managed to get a table that long to fit inside, chairs included. He doesn’t have time to reminisce about how he barely got to make memories in this house because of his own stupid mistake. 

He needs to get Aaron alone. To hell with the outcome.

 

-

 

He’s got the perfect seat. It’s just like how it was in the café, only with more people. Sure, he and Aaron aren’t the only ones at the table this time, but they might as well be. The loud chattering of everyone trying to talk over each other while drunkenly attempting to sing along with Mariah Carey’s Christmas album cannot distract him from keeping his eyes on Aaron. 

He’s as beautiful as ever, he is. And that ridiculous navy Rudolph inspired jumper (that Paddy had to have given him) he dons is doing wonders for his eyes. Eyes that can’t seem to stop connecting with his every couple of seconds, instead of focusing on the man next to him who’s been so desperate for his attention ever since Robert took his seat across from them.

The doctor. Robert wants to sneer, wants to tell him to fuck off, that Aaron isn’t into him – _can’t_ be into him with the obvious discomfort in his body language. If Aaron tried to move away any further from the doctor, he’ll be on the floor. Robert takes his eyes off of Aaron long enough to give the doctor a once-over. He’s handsome enough, like Robert remembers. A bit boring, though. Robert eyes his unflattering green shirt and try-hard hair. No. He’s a lot boring. 

And smiling an awful lot for someone whose boyfriend is just not that into him. Robert thought he would feel more jealousy, like he did when he’d first seen them together before he’d left the country, but now that he’s seeing them in action (inaction, more like) he sees no reason to feel threatened. 

He knows he told himself that he’d leave Aaron alone, that he wouldn’t meddle in his life anymore, but how can he possibly do any of those things if Aaron won’t let him? Having a chat with him on his second day back in town. Inviting him back into the home they barely got to share together. He doesn’t know what Aaron’s playing at, but he intends to find out. Now. 

He watches as Aaron does an average at best impression of someone who’s enthralled by the discussion of food borne illnesses from the handsome yet unapologetically dull doctor, and then does his own impression of someone who’s _not_ running his foot up and down Aaron’s shin underneath the table. 

Robert admires Aaron’s ability to not react to his one-sided footsie game in a way that’s obvious to anyone but him. Aaron takes his hand from under his chin and suddenly looks very interested in what the doctor is going on about. 

Robert would love to keep this going, to see how far he can run his foot up Aaron’s thigh before he hops out of his seat in defeat, but with Chas’ back turned, cooing over Moira and Cain’s baby, and everyone else distracted and barely sober, it’s too good of an opportunity for him to let pass. He gets up and manages to slip away from the party as discreetly as possible. He even made sure not to look back at Aaron just in case they were being watched. When he’s in the toilet, he pulls out his mobile and texts Aaron to meet him in there.

 

-

 

When Aaron walks in the room and closes the door behind him, Robert smiles not so much because he closed the door, but because he showed up not too long after Robert had sent him the text. He’s probably relieved to be away from the drunken jolliness of everyone else, just as Robert is. 

They’re finally on their own. The faint noise of the party downstairs is just that – faint. Far away. The room is so empty with silence that Robert’s thoughts sound echoed. 

He’s the first to speak this time. “Merry Christmas, Aaron.” 

All he gets is a blank stare, much like the one Liv gave him earlier. He notices the bareness of Aaron’s hands, half stuffed into his pockets. “I’m guessing you didn’t get me anything?” 

“‘Course not,” Aaron’s voice is impassive. 

“Well, I got you something,” he says, leaning against the sink. “It’s not exactly new, but I’m sure you won’t mind too much once you’ve seen it.” 

“Whatever it is, I don’t want it.”

“You want to know why I left the village?” Robert starts, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why I _really_ got out of here?” 

Aaron’s shoulders lift. “Don’t really care why you left, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me anyway, so get on with it.” 

“I left because I hated myself. For what I’d done to you, what I’d done to us. I thought that leaving would finally give you the chance to be happy and that maybe I could punish myself for all that I’d put you through.” 

“And you thought running away was gonna make everything better?” 

“At first. But I was wrong. Drinking myself even more stupid than I already was wasn’t good enough. I knew that in order for me to really suffer, I’d have to be here, watching you be happy without me.” 

Aaron’s eyes are fixated on the floor, jaw tight as he processes Robert’s words. 

“Then Vic tells me you’re seeing that doctor or whatever he is and I thought that I really would start to suffer the right way, because I’d have to physically see you with him. But I was wrong about that, too.” 

“Wrong how?”

“Because you don’t fancy him. A blind person could see that you and him aren’t a match.” 

“Oh, but me and you are?” Aaron scoffs. “You can start making sense _any_ time you like.” 

Robert shakes his head and lifts himself off the sink. He’s done trying to make sense of anything anymore. 

Aaron’s eyes follow the movement of Robert’s fingers as he pulls the chain he’s been wearing around his neck for months out from under his jumper. When Aaron’s eyes land on the ring – _his_ wedding ring – hanging at the bottom of it, he isn’t so straight-faced anymore. 

“Is that…?” Aaron says, seemingly at a loss for words. 

Robert twirls the silver chain around in his hand, holding it up so that it’s at eye-level. The ring spins with it, and the fact that Aaron seems hypnotized by it is only adding fuel to the already out of control fire that’s started ever since Aaron had sat across from him days ago. “Yes. It’s exactly what it looks like. What, did you think I threw it away?” 

Aaron’s tone isn’t hard anymore. When he speaks, it’s somber now. “Maybe you should have.” 

“I’d never do that. It’s too important to me. You’re too important to me.” 

Aaron makes a face like he doesn’t believe him. 

“I mean it, Aaron.” 

“Do ya?” Aaron’s never been great at faking nonchalance. 

“I do.” And then, Robert’s moving towards him. Each step is deliberate and undaunted. He’s done playing games, through with this he-wants-me-he-wants-me-not scenario that’s been exhausting his mind. 

When he takes one step, Aaron takes two, and it’s not long before his back is against the door. He doesn’t look like he’s set on leaving, and when his hands finally emerge from his pockets, they only hang at his sides. Robert’s heart is beating so erratically he wouldn’t be surprised if Aaron can actually hear it. 

When they’re face to face, they’re so close that it’s almost criminal how they’re not kissing right now. Robert is tempted. _So_ tempted. And so is Aaron. That look on his face is not unfamiliar. His blue eyes have gone from intense to glazed over in a matter of moments, and Robert, having been on the receiving end of that look more times than he can count, knows what can possibly happen. 

He brings his hands up, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s still got Aaron’s gift all intertwined in his hand. But he can’t be bothered with it, and Aaron doesn’t seem to mind either, because his breathing matches Robert’s – erratic and charged and completely uncontrollable. All Robert can focus on is how his fingertips feel like they’re on fire as they dance across Aaron’s beard, the scruffiness tickling them with flames of their mutual desire. 

“I missed you… _so_ much,” Robert whispers. He’s afraid that if he speaks any louder, the spell between them will break. “I love–”

Something shifts in Aaron’s eyes. “Stop talking.” He grips the front of Robert’s jumper and yanks him forward, closing the small space between their lips once and for all.

Robert feels like he’s falling. Like he’s dropping through an endless stream of euphoria and he knew that kissing Aaron for the first time in months would be amazing, but he didn’t know it would feel this earth-shattering. He knows he’s being dramatic, but he can’t describe the feel of Aaron’s lips on his any other way.

 

Their kissing is aggressive, borderline feral, and it makes sense, with them having been deprived of each other for so long. Aaron’s face scratches against his, and Robert knows he’ll have a serious case of beard burn, but he doesn’t give a fuck now and he knows won’t give one in the morning either, because the sting of it will just be a sweet reminder of what they’re doing now. 

And they’re really going hard. Their teeth clash and their tongues touch as they get into a bit of a power struggle, one trying to control the other into deepening the kiss to their own will. Robert’s skin tingles as Aaron clutches the back of his head, fingers sliding through his hair. He tugs a little too hard, and Robert winces at the sharpness of it, but he’s over it quickly. He’ll never have a problem taking a bit of pain if it always comes with this sort of paralyzing pleasure. 

Aaron’s skin is feverish as Robert’s lips leave his to place kisses down his jaw. Robert manages to slip the ring into the front pocket of Aaron’s trousers, taking advantage of him being distracted. 

Then Aaron’s hands are out of his hair and pushing at his chest. “Stop, stop, stop.” 

Robert’s still in a daze as he watches Aaron’s face contort into shame. “What? What is it?” 

Aaron shakes his head as he runs his hands over his own face. “You know what, Robert. We shouldn’t have done that.” 

“But we did.” 

“Yeah, but we shouldn’t have!” Aaron yells. He thinks better of it and lowers his voice. “Alex is right out there. I should be with him.” 

_Should be._ “Then why aren’t you?” Robert breathes. He lifts Aaron’s chin so that their eyes bore into one another. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because he can’t give you what you need.” 

“What I need?” Aaron’s voice is unsteady. 

Robert places both hands on the door, one on each side of Aaron’s head as he towers over him. “You know, what only I could ever give you.” It’s really such an egotistical thing to say, and Robert knows his narcissism is showing. But how can he be expected to be coy about it, when Aaron’s responses are the reason for it? 

Aaron laughs. It’s not hysterical or even with sound. It’s a small indication of amusement that reaches his eyes. He licks at his swollen lips. “Will you ever get over yourself?” 

That isn’t the real question he’s asking, though, is it? “Will we ever get over each other?” Robert retaliates. This is their actual problem. Whether they want to admit it or not, the kind of connection they have is once in a lifetime. If they would have been able to be without each other, they wouldn’t be stood here, right now, feelings for one another as strong as ever. 

“We have to,” Aaron says softly, more to himself than to Robert. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about you. You’re not good for me, Robert. We’re not good for each other.” 

“How can you say that?” 

“It’s the truth, innit? Accept how it is.” 

“No. The truth is that you love me – you _still_ love me and you can’t stand it.” He goes on. “You think I wanted this? You think I woke up one morning and decided to fall in love with you?” 

Aaron’s eyes begin to pool with tears. “Can’t we just end peacefully? Don’t you think you owe me that much?” he pleads, harshly wiping at a tear with the sleeve of his jumper before it has the chance to spill down his cheek. 

Robert’s done it again. He’s made Aaron cry and he has no idea what to do about it. He knows Aaron’s words, no matter how hurtful, are true. They aren’t good for each other. But they aren’t bad for each other either. So what are you to do when you’re rubbish with and without someone? “Why do we have to end at all if it’s causing us this much grief?” 

“You know exactly why,” he sniffs. “So I’m telling you for the last time, Robert – and I really want you to get this through your thick skull – we’re through. I want you to leave now.” 

He sounds more like he wants to convince himself, and Robert can easily exploit that. But Aaron’s tired, and regardless of him having his posture back and that mask back on, Robert knows he’s not up for another round of push and pull. 

“Fine,” Robert says, backing away from him. Aaron gets his back off the door and opens it, stepping aside, eyes back on the floor. 

When Robert walks out, the noise of the party comes back into focus and with it, the realization that Robert’s definitely ruined whatever chance he had at having any sort of relationship with the love of his life.

 

-

 

** AARON **

**  
** **TUESDAY**

**26 DECEMBER 2017**

Three missed calls from Alex and Aaron’s not even surprised at how little he cares at this point. He knows he should do the decent thing and just tell him that they aren’t going to work out, that they never were and he _knew_ they never were but he went along with it anyway because he thought this little fucked up experiment of a try-relationship might actually turn into something real. 

But it didn’t and it won’t, because the only real thing he’s felt in months happened last night with a completely different person. With _the_ person. He’s been in bed all day, thinking about what they’d done and how right it had felt in his heart and how wrong it had felt in his head. 

He’s got to see his counsellor. He’s got to ask her if it’s normal for all the progress he’s made over the last few months to be snatched away in the blink of an eye just because he’d snogged his ex for all he’s worth. It can’t be possible for him to love Robert this much, it just can’t be. He will never accept that. 

_“It’s the truth, innit? Accept how it is.”_  

God. Why did he say that? Why had he said anything at all? He’s never been good at talking like Robert is. He’s always been better expressing himself through his actions. 

“So are you going to acknowledge my presence or what?” 

Aaron stops fidgeting with his mobile long enough to glance over at his mother. “I let you in, didn’t I?” 

“After I spent almost half the morning knocking,” Chas says. “Where’s Liv? She should be helping clean up all this mess. You really let her get away with too much, you know that?” 

“This isn’t a prison, mum. She’s probably just off with Gabby as usual.” 

“Getting off her head?” 

“She better not be. I’ve got enough to deal with without worrying about whether she’s drinking or not.” Aaron pauses. “She weren’t drinking last night, was she?” 

“No. Not that you would have noticed if she had.” 

“And that’s supposed to mean…?” 

“What do you think it means, love?”

Aaron rubs at his eyes in annoyance. He knows what’s coming. The barrage of endless questions. The interrogation that it’s way too early for. “Erm, dunno. That you’re about to get on my nerves, maybe?” 

“Look, I saw Robert leaving last night. Very early, might I add, for someone who was so thrilled to have been invited.” 

“And?” 

“You never told me why you invited him in the first place.” 

“Because I wanted to. Is that a good enough answer for ya or d’you want me to reword it?” 

“He reckons it’s because you want to be mates or summat.” 

“That’s funny, because I don’t,” Aaron answers a little too fast. He looks past her. “I don’t want to be anything with him.” 

She nods her head, not like she agrees with him, but just to do it. Aaron knows she’s not convinced. “You think I didn’t notice your absence last night and his as well?” She sighs. “ _Please_ tell me you didn’t jump back into bed with him. Not with all of us in the house. Not with Alex here.” 

He wants to tell her that it’s his house and that means he can do whatever he wants regardless of who’s in it or not. He doesn’t though, because why should he? She means well, she always does, and at this point, he’s used to putting others’ happiness before his own. 

“I did not sleep with him, alright?” he says, trying to keep the hostility out of his voice. “Not that it’s any of your business.” 

“I’m not stupid, Aaron. You two must have done _something_ because he rushed out of here like the police were after him. Victoria went off with him and she never even came back.” 

Aaron frowns. “And what d’you want me to do about it? That’s their problem, not mine.” 

“And Alex? Is he not on your list of concern as well?” 

He shrugs. She’s going to find out eventually, he might as well tell her his plans now. “He won’t be after today. I’m gonna finish things with him.” 

Her eyes widen and she looks about ready to throw a fit. “What? Why would you go and do something like that?” she whines. “I thought you two were finally gonna take things to the next level. You know, be proper boyfriends.” 

“And I’m the real expert on boyfriends, aren’t I? I even have a failed marriage. What world are you living in, mum? Me and Alex were never going to go anywhere anyway.” 

Her laugh is dry and her words are bitter. “And that’s down to Robert.” 

“No, mum, it’s down to me. So you can stop going on about Robert and about Alex because I’m done with the both of them.” 

“Oh, I believe you’re done with Alex. You’ve made that perfectly clear. But you don’t need to try and be over Robert, you need to _be_ over Robert.”

“Yeah, well I don’t need to be in a relationship with someone else to be over him, do I?” 

“Of course not,” she says. “I’m not saying that at all. All I want in my life is for you to be happy. That’s why I’m so against him. He shouldn’t have such a hold over you, it’s not fair.” 

He can’t argue with that. Nothing is fair about his relationship with Robert and he doesn’t want to dwell on it any longer. He stands up, grabbing his mobile off the table. “Right, so are we gonna stand here all day or are we getting rid of these stupid decorations?” He doesn’t want to be reminded of anything to do with Christmas ever again. 

“Yes,” Chas says, getting up and heading for the door. “I’ll ring Paddy, get him round. This place will be back normal in no time.” 

Aaron nods as she leaves and once the door is shut, he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he had been holding in. His phone rings again and he pushes down the part of him that wishes Robert is on the other line, and he isn’t. Because he’d told Robert to piss off and he’s probably going to respect Aaron’s wishes this time. 

It’s Alex. His thumb hovers over the answer key and by the time he’s okay with answering, it stops ringing. He’ll just do it later. He’ll stop by the hospital and tell Alex to his face that he shouldn’t be wasting his time with a bloke who doesn’t have his shit sorted. It’ll be for the best. 

His hand brushes against his thigh and he frowns as he feels something in his pocket. When he fishes it out, he nearly drops it. It’s his wedding ring, the one Robert had said was his Christmas present. When did he…? How did he get it into his pocket without Aaron noticing? 

Aaron shakes off the muddle of thoughts that threaten to overwork him, stuffs the ring back into his pocket and observes the mess that is the Mill. He’s got this to distract him, and soon his mum and Paddy will be here to do the same. He’ll do a bit – no he’ll do a _lot_ of cleaning and then he’ll deal with this situation later, too. But first, he’ll run upstairs and put the ring in his bedside table. 

Because right now, all he feels is it burning a hole through his trousers.

 

-

 

**FRIDAY**

**29 DECEMBER 2017**

Three days. It’s taken him three days to work up the will to confront Robert about the ring. He asks Vic where Robert’s flat is, because he’d already checked nearly every place in the village for him, and no one had seen him around. Vic tells him the address and he’s grateful that she doesn’t ask all the questions that he knows she wants to. 

It’s a while before he arrives at Robert’s new place. Aaron had known that he’d moved somewhere outside the village, but he hadn’t thought it would be this far away. When the journey’s over, he gets out of his car, making his way up to the flat. The snow crunches beneath his boots with each step he takes and his shaky breath comes out in white puffs in the winter air. 

After he knocks on the door, he feels that familiar rush he gets when he’s anticipating something. He’s only ever gotten this particular feeling when it comes to the man on the other side of the door, and now he’s nervous, because he isn’t meant to do anything but give the ring back, turn around, and drive back to the village like he’d told himself he’d do. 

But then the door opens, and Robert’s in front of him for the first time since Christmas. He’s clearly been sleeping; his eyes are glassy and his hair is flattened on one side. He looks quite…cute? And Aaron wants to smack himself in the face for even thinking that word. Robert’s lethargic confusion fades and he’s mostly stood there just looking lost. 

Aaron clears his throat. “You plan on letting me in or am I just going to freeze to death out here?” 

Robert steps aside, and Aaron steps in. The warmth of the inside embraces him and he immediately wants to turn around and leave because he should not feel this comfortable in a new place with the one person he should be staying away from. But the door closes and Robert turns the lock and they’re alone for real now. There’s no party going on downstairs that they have to be wary of. None of Aaron’s family or Robert’s sister is present. 

“Sorry to show up unexpected like this,” Aaron says. “I was looking for you in town but Vic told me you live here now.” 

“That’s funny. I thought you wanted me to stay away from you,” Robert says. 

“And I do want that. I’m only here now…” He takes the ring out of his jacket pocket and places it on the kitchen table. “…to return this.” 

Robert closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You really want to do this again?”

“Do what again?” 

“Same fight, different round.” 

“There’s not going to be any fight because you know why I’m giving the ring back.” 

“Yeah, because you’re in denial about loving me still.” 

Aaron’s not able to stop his jaw from clenching at how wrong he is. “It’s because you cheated on me with that…” he trails off, not wanting to resort to name calling. “With _her_ and knocked her up.” 

“But she’s not even pregnant anymore! She left ages ago, before I did,” Robert says. “And as far as the mistake I made, I thought you forgave me for it.” 

“And that’s the problem, Robert. I forgive you all the time and I’m sick of it.” 

“As sick as you are when you’re not with me?” Robert asks with that tainted intention in his voice that Aaron knows all too well. 

“Don’t start that again,” Aaron says. 

Robert cocks an eyebrow. “Worried I’ll finish it this time?” 

“Worried that I’ll let you.” 

Shit. He hadn’t said that out loud, had he? 

“What did you say?” Robert sounds awestruck, mouth slightly open and eyes unguarded. “Aaron. What did you say?” he repeats. 

Of course he’d said it out loud, because he can’t win, can he? He knew that this would happen. He knew that he’d come here and he’d say something stupid because he wouldn’t be able to just give the ring back and do one. 

Because Robert is his weak spot. He’s always been. 

So it’s no wonder that he finds he can’t move. It’s as if his feet have become a permanent fixture in the tiles of the kitchen floor. He’s stood there, with a look on his face that he’s sure mirrors Robert’s. “You heard me,” the words slip out of his mouth so easily he can’t deny any of this to himself any longer. 

Turns out he doesn’t have to because Robert’s long legs are crossing the room in barely three strides and he’s wasting no time, tugging Aaron by the zipper of his jacket and their lips collide. He’s not thinking at all now – he’s just doing. 

He revels in the guttural groan he gets out of Robert as he bites at his mouth, his teeth pulling at his bottom lip. He grips at the nape of Robert’s neck, desperate to pull him closer as their mouths move together, opening in sync. 

He’s not an idiot, he knows exactly what this is leading to, and he doesn’t want to do it out here. 

He breaks the kiss, locking eyes with Robert’s lust filled ones. “D’you have a bed in this place or what?”

 

-

 

They’re an entangled mess. 

They rip at each other’s clothing, frantic to get off. He doesn’t want to go slow, doesn’t want to give his brain the chance to tell him that he’s probably going to regret this. He just wants to feel this. All of this. 

He yanks Robert’s shirt off once it’s halfway up his arms and throws it into the heap on the floor. He pops the button on Robert’s trousers and smacks at his thigh, prompting him to get his legs out of them. 

Robert chuckles as Aaron ends up pulling them off for him. “I quite liked those, you know. Why don’t we just take it slow? There’s no need to rush.” 

“Do me a favor and keep your mouth shut.” 

“Don’t see how that’s going to be very enjoyable for you,” Robert retorts. He runs a finger up Aaron’s bare chest, making him shiver with need. “I suppose there are other methods.” 

“You know what I mean,” Aaron growls, knocking his hand away. “Now hurry up and give me what I want.” 

“I will,” Robert says. “Once you give me what I want.” He leans over and takes the ring Aaron brought and holds it out in front of him. 

Of course. It’s never simple with him, is it? “What?” 

“I want you to wear it,” Robert’s very serious all of a sudden. He looks up at Aaron like he’s going to be rejected. 

“You what?” 

“I want you to wear it,” Robert says again. He seems more sure of himself this time. “I gave it back to you for a reason.” 

“Robert–” 

“Please, Aaron. Just for right now?” 

Aaron eyes it as if it’s the first time he’s seeing it, as if he hadn’t been staring at it for days after he’d found it. He’d been in their room – _his_ room holding it in his hand like it was fragile, like it was the most important thing to him in the world. 

He had wanted to put it back on so badly. He even thought for a moment that if he had put it on, everything would have gone back to normal. Like he’d wake up from this terrible nightmare that has been on a loop in his mind for what seems like an eternity, and he’d be right back where he belongs; with his husband and the family they’d made all on their own. 

And now, the ring is right in front of him again and it is Robert who has got it again, but this time, Robert’s asking permission. He’s asking _him_ to make the choice to wear it once more. 

_“Just for right now?”_  

He holds his left hand out. He doesn’t care that it’s not steady. “Go on then. Put it on me.” 

Without hesitation, Robert slides the ring on his finger, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Aaron doesn’t get to appreciate it for long. Robert pins him down into the mattress and Aaron wonders if this is how it feels to be electrocuted, because every kiss Robert’s placing on his skin, feels like he’s being shocked. 

No. There’s no way being electrocuted can feel this good. 

Robert takes special care in licking and nibbling at the scars on Aaron’s torso and thankfully he doesn’t linger on them for too long. He makes his way down, never breaking eye contact as he gets on his knees. 

In one swift movement, Aaron’s last article of clothing is gone, and Robert wastes no time in taking him in his mouth. Aaron’s eyes roll to the back of head and his back arches off of the bed. He sucks in a breath as Robert pushes him back down, taking all of him to the hilt of his throat. Then he starts humming around him, sending vibrations all throughout and Aaron’s for sure seeing white spots in his vision. 

When Robert releases him, he doesn’t come up for air. He just swirls his tongue around the head like only he can, and Aaron can’t control the obscene noises that are coming out of his mouth. If he wasn’t at peak pleasure, he’s sure he would be ashamed. But then he’s coming and Robert’s swallowing all of it and Aaron’s not sure it’s normal for him to like how overstimulated his cock feels. 

Robert’s definitely satisfied with himself, smirking as he gets back up on the bed. Aaron pulls him down on top of him, sucking the bitterness of himself off of his tongue. They get a bit carried away, kissing for several minutes before Robert releases him, reaching over and grabbing the condom package off the bedside table. 

Robert tears the wrapper open with his teeth. Aaron feels his mouth watering at the sight of him putting the condom on his generous length, one that he’s been without for too long. Robert chucks the wrapper carelessly and slides his hands down Aaron’s sticky thighs. Aaron lifts them on instinct, having been in this position many times before. 

Robert grips his cock and positions it at Aaron’s entrance. “You still up for it?” 

“What did I tell you about talking?” Aaron breathes. “Fuck me.” 

Robert puts it in slowly. They moan in unison as Aaron stretches around him. “Yes,” Aaron gasps. “Harder.” 

Robert won’t budge. He’s fucking him but he’s doing it methodically, taking his time, looking deeply into Aaron’s eyes, feasting on the bliss that’s in them. He shakes his head and pushes himself deeper. “I want you to feel me,” he pants, intertwining their fingers. “All of me.” 

And he does feel all of him. It’s so overwhelming and his body is so hot that he might explode. He begins meeting Robert’s thrusts and soon Robert isn’t able to give it to him gently anymore. He’s thrusting into him with conviction and it’s so fantastic that Aaron’s afraid he’s going to pass out before it’s even over. 

Robert drops his head into the crook of Aaron’s neck. “I love you.” His broken words are a jolt to Aaron’s system. 

Aaron turns over so that he’s on top now. He straddles Robert and puts him back inside. He’s in control now and he makes the most of it. He grinds down with a purpose and Robert’s giving it right back to him, hitting his spot over and over and it’s not long before his second orgasm nearly takes all the breath out of him. Robert follows suit after him and Aaron collapses on top of him. 

For a while the only noise in the room is them trying to catch their breath. Aaron rolls off of Robert, letting his face fall into the pillow. He hears Robert taking the condom off and he smiles, turning his head to find that Robert’s smiling at him too, looking a complete fucked out mess. 

“I love you, too, you know,” Aaron admits after a moment. 

Robert strokes his cheek tenderly. His smile lights up his eyes. “I know.” 

“And I do want to be with you again,” Aaron continues. “But… I’m not ready yet and I don’t think you are either.” 

Robert looks like he wants to disagree, but he just nods, and Aaron’s thankful. “But soon?” 

“Who knows? Look at us –  we can’t seem to be apart for long when we’re around each other,” Aaron says. “And I’m finally making peace with why that is.” 

“And what’s that?” 

“You and me. We’re inevitable.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Merry early Robronmas, guys! If you made it to the end, congratulations, you're my favorite person and I love you. 
> 
> Writing this was truly daunting and it gave me all kinds of anxiety and stress, but I powered through it because I love Robron and I felt it was my duty to contribute something to the fandom. I know the current storyline for them in the show is ridiculous and awful, but it's going to end soon! Christmas is in sight! We will all make it! I got this and you got this. We got this.'
> 
> Kudos and comments are so appreciated. Not so that I feel good, but because I really want to know what you thought of this.


End file.
